Sandwich Generation Caregivers: Xue Peng

Hello and welcome to our second episode of the month focused on sandwich caregivers. We are really excited to welcome a friend and fellow caregiving advocate, Xue Peng. To us, Xue epitomizes a sandwich generation caregiver. She took on the care for aging parents as well as her nephews. With these responsibilities, she had to leave the workforce for a time. As she will discuss in the show, there were some clear challenges with caring for people at both ends of the aging spectrum. 

Before we dive in, here is the quote for this week's episode:

“Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back.” – Jodi Picoult

While caregivers are human and are dealing with their own knotted lives, they certainly do so much to untangle the lives of those they support. Thank you to all of you who are doing this work.

Also, our news about family caregiving highlighted new AARP Vermont research: https://www.reformer.com/news/study-supports-need-for-paid-family-and-medical-leave-in-vermont/article_07c697aa-c512-11ee-966b-bf840ddde62e.html
"Among the financial expenses Vermont’s caregivers have incurred to help care for a loved one, AARP Vermont’s research shows 49 percent are paying for modifications to their or their loved one’s home and 40 percent are buying assistive technology such as a wheelchair, hearing devices and vision aids." 

We know that many caregivers contribute significant out-of-pocket funds to support those for whom they care. It is exciting to hear about the states that are acknowledging this and supporting caregiver needs with policy. 

Back to Xue! Xue shared so many important insights with us during the show. As part of her Chinese culture, she discussed that being there for her parents and nephews is just what she does. She did not even identify herself as a family caregiver until she was pretty far along her journey. There are many caregivers out there who can relate to this. Taking care of family is who we are and what we do.

When her dad had a health scare, Xue dove right in with arranging care, going to appointments, figuring out power-of-attorney, and advanced directives for her parents. She also stepped up to raise her nephews and did the hard work of supporting her nephews during the pandemic while they did schooling at home. That is no easy task and as Erna noted, Xue did a beautiful job providing the support her nephews needed to thrive academically during the pandemic. 

Some great takeaways from Xue and this conversation are:

-The importance of caregivers talking to and supporting each other like Erna and Xue did.

-Letting go and not trying to control everything.

-Realizing that we have to do things for ourselves. We do not always have to volunteer to do all of the things. We can step back and take the time we need to be well. 

A big thank you to Xue for her wisdom and time!

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